My Saving Grace.

  

I'd like to introduce everyone to tee tiny little person I call my saving grace-

Meet Carson Allen! He is almost 14 months old & he's just amazing. There is nothing that compares or even comes close to the love a mother has for her child. Becoming a mother has made me such an emotional person. There are days I cry just because I'm happy and feel so blessed and thankful for him. God blessed me with Carson and I would never take having a child for granted. I think back to the day I had him, the moment they put him on my chest, and the moment I knew my heart was forever taken by this tiny little 7.6 pound boy who was 20 inches long and had blue eyes and just a little blonde hair. My love for him grew stronger every second. But at one point when he was laying on my chest he looked into my eyes and the whole room became still. It was just him and I. I felt calm and complete. I knew this little man loved me already and knew who I was with every word I spoke. December 30th at 9:07pm is a day that I will never forget and relive in my head everyday I see him.
                                                          

Have you ever been in love                                              

You could touch the moonlight

When your heart is shooting stars
You're holding heaven in your arms
Have you ever been in love?

The time I spent waiting for something
That was heaven sent
When you find it don't let go.

 Carson has blessed not only my life, but so many others. He brings joy to his family, our friends and just about everyone he meets. He's such an amazing boy! Now only if I could get him to say Mom, Momma. or Mommy. haha Becoming a mother has meant more to me than anything. It's something I've always wanted. I've always told people that if I suck and fail at everything I do in my life, I will be a damn good mother. I believe I am the best mother I can be, but it helped learning from the best. aka my momma aka Nana Banana. I know he loves me just as much as I love him, heck it could be more. Being a mom has brought the best out in me & the worst. I'm very over protective, and worry about every little thing. Most people don't know that I thought I lost him around 19 weeks. I started bleeding very heavily for awhile. I sat and sat in the ER waiting room, my heart felt as though it stopped beating, breathing was becoming hard to do, and I felt as though I may lose my mind if something had happened to him. He was my world already & I'd only seen him in pictures. The nurse took about 30 seconds to find his heartbeat when I finally got admitted and for those 30 seconds I thought I'd lost the best thing in my life. I've never before felt the way I did that day, and I worked extremely hard to keep him safe til he arrived. I will always be protective of him and worry. I almost lost him & the thought of feeling the way I did that day makes me sick and I still cry when talking about it now.

He is almost 14 months and oh my how time has flown by. Jeff and I are looking forward to expanding our family, getting married, and sharing our lives together. We want to give Carson the best life possible, so every day we strive to do so. He is spoiled, we buy him something almost every time we are out, and we like being able to do so. He will be spoiled, but he will appreciate it and respect that we work hard to give him the best. He will always be Mommy's  lover buggy and Daddy's little boy.

And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed

I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed.